FOR NEEDY PIKE ANGLERS!
Share
IN THIS ISSUE NEVILLE “MARGE PROOPS” FICKLING TRIES TO HELP NEEDY PIKE ANGLERS EVERYWHERE.
Well I never thought I’d start writing an agony aunt column, but since May I’ve caught absolutely nothing of note. So with my own problems ongoing I thought I’d use my vast experience at failure to help others.
The first letter came from Hamish who lives in Motherwell. “Dear Marge I’ve found this fantastic trout water full of big pike, but since I told a mate about it there are loads of people pike fishing it and now I cannot catch anything.”
My reply to Hamish was deeply felt because the same thing has happened to me several times. If you have something so incredibly good, first look at your mates. I’ve found the most reliable mates are the ones that are not mega serious pike anglers, not part of any grapevine and who have no ego to massage. (“Look can you keep a secret? I’ll tell you about this water but you mustn’t tell anyone else”) if ever there were some famous last words those in brackets must be them. He tells someone in confidence who then tells someone else in “confidence!”
So boys and girls I hope you were paying attention. Why did Hamish stop catching? Well he was being out competed by other anglers is the answer. It does happen. Sometimes you can be a reasonably competent angler and stop catching just because of the sheer weight of numbers of other anglers. It happens that the water was a lure only venue. Now there’s a common problem here, after a year of having every lure under the sun dragged past them pike eventually get fed up of lures being dragged past them. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. Now lures on a virgin water are deadly. I can’t think of a better method. You are mobile and because of this covering lots of water. However the quicker a water is turned over the quicker the results start to drop off. Some fish always get caught often only the less experienced Jack pike. I’ve seen some interesting underwater Water Wolf footage with quite big pike swimming up alongside a lure then buggering off! Tell-tale signs that somethings amiss. A really top class angler can sometimes still winkle one out and strangely fly pikers can sometimes catch.
In England where allowed the simple answer is to chuck a livebait at them and yes this does solve the problem for a while. Then they get hard to catch even on lives.
Dear Marge, I’m fishing a catfish water where my mate who is even more useless that me has had 2 to my 1 and I’ve fished twice as much as him . What is wrong with me? Fred from Carstairs.
Well Fred there is something called Fickling’s rule of increased effort equals less reward. I’ve no idea which idiot created this rule but really they need a set of size 4s inserting into all available orifices. Going against the 2nd law of thermodynamics and rewriting all of Einstein’s work this rule defies understanding. How can someone of considerable experience, who fishes more than another person catch less than a numpty? The answer I’m afraid is to stop fishing, lock yourself in your shed and stay there three weeks. Change your address and phone number so your mate can’t contact you. Your fishing won’t improve but at least you won’t have to keep up with the Jones’s. Not that his name is Jones anyway.
Dear Marge, my sonar screen is only 11 inches. Is there something I can rub on it to make it bigger? Sorry no; where can I get a bigger screen. Basil from Fort William.
Dear Basil,
You appear to be suffering from big screen itis. I have a very wealthy friend who invited myself and the wife to dinner. In his five story house every room was equipped with the latest gadgets. He showed me his huge LCD TV screen. It dwarfed our one which was one of the old sort about as thick as it was wide. I looked at the screen and said; “Why don’t you get a smaller screen and move the sofa closer?” It’s hardly surprising I have no friends.
Never feel inferior because of the size of your sonar screen. Try not to get involved in a race to see who has the biggest engine. And don’t talk to me about i-pilots! With i-pilots it’s down to the voltage and how many batteries you have. 24V is classier than 12V, four batteries are better than one.
Finally an Email from Mr Davros from the planet Skaro. Dear Marge I have invented an electronic livebait, spent millions on it and now I hear that it’s illegal in England and Wales possibly in Scotland. Yours, you will be exterminated, D
Dear Davros,
Or could I call you Dav? The Salmon and Freshwater Fisheries Act 1975, Makes it clear that you may not use an electronic device to catch or attempt to catch a fish. This applies to electro fishing and the use of lights which members of the salmon family are rather susceptible to. Why the salmon is called the king of fish I’ve no idea when it’s so dim!
Anyway in England and Wales my enquiries revealed that said electronic baits are considered verboten. Or in English, banned. Of course no-one in the Environment Agency will know that they are banned until someone tells them it is. In the meantime the company that is selling these baits which I think are worth investigation on somewhere neutral (such as the moon) ought to take up the campaign to change the law rather than expect us anglers to do it.
I don’t know, fishing isn’t as much fun as it was in the old days. You used to be able to take 100 livebaits anywhere, dump them in Loch Lomond when you’ve finished, bang a thirty pound pike on the head to have set up and still time to have a punch up at the Drymen Arms.
Anyway Dav, I think your idea is brilliant but I think you are going to be stuffed. Would you consider making me an electronic woman instead of a livebait? I await your reply. Marge. (I’m really a bloke!)